I'm hoping neither of my older sisters are reading this (here's a test: are you reading it, ladies?) as they'd flush my head down the loo (metaphorically speaking) for proclaiming myself, at the grand old age of 26, as 'old'. But, calm now, sisters squared, for I am not saying I am old. Merely that thanks this week, I feel old.
To be fair, I don't help said feelings of under-achieving antiquity when I attempt - and fail - to do ambitious granny-type things like make a four-tiered multi-coloured Victoria Sponge, like I did this morning. What I emerged from la cocina with, was a three-tiered swamp-coloured pillar of cake, which left me with a somewhat crashing sense of failure, not only in the culinary sense.
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Anyway, so, this week alone there have been a number of people in their late twenties (a decade which everyone knows you are meant to achieve zero except 'getting to know yourself') who have been doing Seriously Great Things. I love people doing great things - but boy, I wish I'd stop finding out their ages. Strike 1 was today, when the new Man Booker prize winner was announced. Author Eleanor Catton, who has written a 800+ page literary breeze block, The Luminaries and is just 28-years-old. The closest I have ever got to writing a novel was a 14-page short story I wrote, when I was 8. Infact, that's probably when I peaked. Strike 2 was last night, when I went to an awesome gluten-free burger joint, Honest Burgers, which have recently opened their 4th branch on Portobello Road. While twiddling a tasty little rosemary fry betwixt my digits, a fellow diner told me that the guy who set up the whole damn shebang is 26-years-old. Way to ruin my stilton burger.
To be fair, I don't help said feelings of under-achieving antiquity when I attempt - and fail - to do ambitious granny-type things like make a four-tiered multi-coloured Victoria Sponge, like I did this morning. What I emerged from la cocina with, was a three-tiered swamp-coloured pillar of cake, which left me with a somewhat crashing sense of failure, not only in the culinary sense.
But Strike 3 was the one that really had me reaching for the smelling salts and wondering what in God's name I'd been doing with the last decade aside from drinking cheap rose, putting concealer on my spots, trying to keep my hair straight -- those kind of meaningful activities. So, anyway, we all know the story of Facebook. It seems like decades ago that we sat through Justin Timberlake's first Hollywood turn as Sean Parker and Arnie Hammer's transfixing Winklevi double act in The Social Network. Here's a clue that the David Fincher interpretation of Zuckerburg's life was quite some time ago: Rooney Mara plays one of Zuckerburg's random hook-ups. She's now a bonafide A-Lister and a face of Calvin Klein, to boot.
So as films go, The Social Network is dated and as for Facebook -- I've had it for what.... 7 years? (And I would have got it earlier, except when I joined aged 19 you were only allowed to join with a university 'edu' address. I miss those years.) Point is, it all seems ages ago; we're positively bored of Facebook (really, I am), it's now so old and established. Yet Mark Zuckerburg is still just 29-years-old. Yes, you read that right. This is what I've been building up to people. PALO ALTO'S WUNDERKIND IS STILL NOT YET 30. Cue: I'm an under-achieving old bag.
So as films go, The Social Network is dated and as for Facebook -- I've had it for what.... 7 years? (And I would have got it earlier, except when I joined aged 19 you were only allowed to join with a university 'edu' address. I miss those years.) Point is, it all seems ages ago; we're positively bored of Facebook (really, I am), it's now so old and established. Yet Mark Zuckerburg is still just 29-years-old. Yes, you read that right. This is what I've been building up to people. PALO ALTO'S WUNDERKIND IS STILL NOT YET 30. Cue: I'm an under-achieving old bag.
Cool. I've definitely made myself feel better, writing this post. I'm going to go lie on the sofa now and softly gnaw at my own soul for spending too much time watching Geordie Shore, eating Nutella and writing posts such as these, instead of writing award-winning tomes, or inventing elemental forms of social media. See you.